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consuming christmas by ~MystWilliams:iconMystWilliams:

Categories Contests > 2005 > Litmas Contest 2005 > Poetry




Christmas is the inside
of a pocket
filled with chess pawns,
and two fingers
slipping one away.
©2005-2009 ~MystWilliams
:iconmystwilliams:

Author's Comments

my litmas submission for the poetry side of the contest...

thanks for reading. myst.



thanks for the feature coshdaddy,
and thank you for the kind words judges.

Daily Deviation

Given 2005-12-25

Short, but with venom, =MystWilliams' consuming christmas is our poetry winner for the Merry Litmas competition. Strong metaphor to a familiar message of mass consumerism in our society today. Worth digging yourself out of your wrapping paper today for a read. (Featured by `coshdaddy)

Comments


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:iconinziladun:
!inziladun Dec 14, 2005, 5:40:25 PM
this is very, very interesting. it's an original metaphor, and it's done smoothly as hell. wow.
but I really see no need at all for the first line. it does indeed go without say(ing), so I suggest you leave that part out (the rhyme is nice, but it's pushing it; it works without it). also, I know there doesn't seem to be lots of choices for a title, but consuming christmas really doesn't live up to the standard of the poem itself.
this is quite impressive. :>

--
but, mainly, Stay Classy
:iconmystwilliams:
~MystWilliams Dec 14, 2005, 5:50:09 PM
I actually contemplated that first line forever... I will take into consideration what you said as it is still bothering me and I am undecided.

As for a title... it references consumerism... maybe taking of the word christmas would justify it better. Not sure...

thanks for the words though, you pointed out areas that bugged me a little. luckily I still have a couple days to make edits if need be. = )

--
k. myst williams
i will stop at nothing to be a god.
:iconkimaero:
!Kimaero Dec 14, 2005, 5:52:50 PM
Nice, nice... These are the sort of poems I love, the ones that make me wanna sketch them.

Just for the sheer fact that I can visualize so clearly what you're saying. I love it,
9/10

--
Some say you're trouble, boy.
Just 'cause you like to destroy
all the things that bring the idiots joy!
Well, what's wrong with a little destruction?
:iconmystwilliams:
~MystWilliams Dec 14, 2005, 5:55:05 PM
Thanks. I appreciate it.

--
k. myst williams
i will stop at nothing to be a god.
:iconcybby:
~Cybby Dec 15, 2005, 12:50:53 PM
I like the metaphor; and it is pretty true.

--
Powerpets > Neopets.
[link]


.:The Lost Girl:.

~Cybby

~GioFans ~KayFedewaFC
:iconmystwilliams:
~MystWilliams Dec 15, 2005, 1:27:24 PM
Thanks. = )

--
k. myst williams
i will stop at nothing to be a god.
:iconinziladun:
!inziladun Dec 15, 2005, 4:12:28 PM
what do you think it means? :)

--
but, mainly, Stay Classy
:iconcybby:
~Cybby Dec 15, 2005, 4:32:34 PM
xD Asking me that is like asking a parrot to explain the sky.

I think it has something to do with commercialism. Chess pieces - PAWNS.

--
Powerpets > Neopets.
[link]


.:The Lost Girl:.

~Cybby

~GioFans ~KayFedewaFC
:iconinziladun:
!inziladun Dec 15, 2005, 5:26:09 PM
well, it's just that you said it was "pretty true" so I assumed you were actually referring to something.

--
but, mainly, Stay Classy
:iconcybby:
~Cybby Dec 15, 2005, 5:35:48 PM
Well, yes, what I formulated in my head.

--
Powerpets > Neopets.
[link]


.:The Lost Girl:.

~Cybby

~GioFans ~KayFedewaFC
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